Aadvika’s articles

Author: Aadvika Yatagiri

When I grow up, I’m going to be president, and every single one of you peasants will BOW down to me. That was probably the world envisioned by young me, when I was 3 years old sitting down on the couch watching Barack Obama yap, like I definitely understood what the president of the United States was talking about. I was a very Indian child. I only ate my country’s food and not bland “white people food”, sorry!. My answer to new food was always no, no, no, no. Since I said no so many times to my parents about new food, I imagined how it would be if someone said no to me, that I couldn’t be a future president of America So while that presidential dream was a bit too far out of… reach, I turned to school, watching students in the hallways left and right, struggling to say a word just to deny a request. The first thought that came to mind was… how dumb are these people? It’s not that hard to say no, But over the years, I realizedI was the one having the trouble of saying no.  In today’s society the word ‘no’ has become a problem that has spun out of control Saying no has become an obstacle, where people end up having to be cautious, and willing to say no when they need to. And that’s the problem–some people just can’t say no. this problem has grown exponentially. See? I can use presidential vocabulary

So today, as your superior commander, we will first sign the papers to examine the harms of not saying no, second we’ll agree to take a look at people who have such a large compunction to say no in the White House, and finally, we’ll say no to letting this problem go unsolved in a speech in front of the US by analyzing the solutions.

One day, while researching for my OO, I was roaming on the web, curious to know what the definition of the word I so struggled to say actually meant. The results that flashed up, made me wonder if society would ever change. According to various dictionaries like Cambridge, Britannica or even Merriam Webster… The word ‘no’ was seen as a negative response that often meant refusal and negation. Our civilization has fallen into a trap that the word “no” is negative- a spurious belief. 

Which brings me to my first cause, societal and cultural influences on our inability to say the magic word no

First as a society, we were taught the word ‘no’ is forbidden 

From a young age we’ve been guided by parents and grandparents, to always respect our elders. Living in an Indian household, I could basically guarantee shocked faces and hour-long lectures if I ever said no to my grandparents. Besides cultural differences, society has also taught us that saying no is impolite and even rude. But saying yes, is the safest option to play, and often considered the only way to answer a request. We are wired to think that replying with ‘no’ is automatically seen as a rejection , which causes us to feel guilty. 

Second, the pressure to please people causes us to never say no. We tend to create the fear of missing out in our own heads, causing us to say yes, against our better judgement. A study from the Harvard Business Review says, “You can’t say yes to everyone and everything and do all of it well. When you take on too many or the wrong things, you waste time, energy, and money and distract yourself from what’s really important. Still- no one wants to anger or disappoint colleagues or other contacts.” You soon feel the pressure to not let others down which forces us to never say no. Instead of building confidence, we lose it because we’re scared of how people will react and how they might express it. Soon, we’ll all wonder if we’ll ever be able to say no.

Over the years, I liked to think I was one of the ‘cool kids’, I often thought  that I could never be A PEOPLE PLEASER. Turns out, pretending that I didn’t care  didn’t really work. In reality, I was scared and had no  real boundaries. That turned out to be very harmful and can damage us in many ways.  

First, the immense pressure to say yes corrupts our mental health.The National Social Anxiety Center on February 21st 2022 notes that, “ if you have social anxiety, you fear that others will reject you if you disappoint them. So you acquiesce to others’ requests.” We start losing our feelings and sacrificing ourselves in order to make others happy. This brings us to a reality of anxiety, sadness, depression, and even burnouts that showcase the need for stopping this irrational behavior. We become so tired of saying yes,we come to a point where we can’t even recognize ourselves. This loss has greater harm long term which affects us to lose things we believed in and our self-confidence, causing problems in our relationships. 

After you say yes once, everyone starts to depend on you, even when you can’t depend on yourselfAnd as time goes on,  our boundaries wait.. where‘d they go? They disappear because we don’t recognize why our minds continue to say… yes. You lose sight of your own morals and values. After  all…  “yes”is a very powerful yet harmful word.

So now for the millionth time I’m gonna say yes… but for the first time say yes to saying no. It teaches you to stand up for yourself, defend yourself and genuinely mean the word no.let’s say no to this problem and say our final yes to accepting solutions to this harmful mindset.

First, practice introspection 

Find out more about who you are, your values, your fears, and your solutions, because according to positive psychology on January 14th 2025, “introspection increases self-awareness, which is necessary to identify personal values, strengths, and challenges.” By figuring out who we are, we’ll be bound to create and repair our values and boundaries for the better. Once you start, you’ll find that you are less compelled to follow what society wants you to be—because you already know who you are. 

Second, comfortable ways to say no

According to psychology today on June 19th 2023, “One of the first steps to harnessing the power of no is to find a way to say no that feels natural and authentic for you. Perhaps you may find the “sandwich method” helpful. The sandwich method is an approach that involves sandwiching something that individuals may  consider negative between two positives. Tell the person something positive followed by the no and end with something supportive or positive.” You start to see, it’s ok if I miss out, and you’ll prioritize your needs, instead of others. You’ll realize if you say no, you’ll be able to finally express one person. You.

Last but not least, recognize the word no. Because, it’s not only acceptable, but also empowering. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re rude or stubborn. Saying no, shows that you can control your own decisions. Saying no, is a right, but it becomes a tool all of us soon use once we unlock the courage to say it. 

Eventually, I did give up on saying yes which led to trying new foods and cuisines around the world. Turns out, I liked the new food and I wouldn’t fuss about the restaurant I would go to. Unless, it was food I still never tried. So while I did outgrow my current food dilemma, at the moment it’s time to review what we learned. (Pauseee

So today, we explored the topic of the complexities of saying no, exploring the positives and negatives of this phrase. We push through the stumbling blocks of how the world sees us today where the definition of the word no has always been a black and white topic but now it’s grey!As we look back at the 3 points we saw today, we discovered why we think saying no is difficult in the first place; on how we say yes instead of no and finally the solutions to the problem. My opportunity of becoming the president… is still a bit too far out of reach. So whether I’m still in my picky eater era or whether I’m still chasing that presidential dream, it’s time we just say no.

Works cited:

Learn When to Say No

WHY AM I AFRAID TO SAY “NO”? SOCIAL ANXIETY AND THE LACK OF ASSERTIVENESS

The Power of Saying No | Psychology Today
25 Self-Reflection Questions: Why Introspection Is Important

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